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Intro The time has come for that final kiss Goodbye to all the loves I'll miss I've never been a memory hoarder Now it's time to put my affairs in order Story begins.....
So I'll start with Phil, he was the first but actually he was the worst He knew how to spoon out all the sugar but he became a moody bugger His nose was big and his teeth weren't great so I'm putting him down as Number 8 (Number 8 Phil)
Next there was Andy, oh what a guy he'd give anything a try Quite athletic, big and strong I thought that he could do no wrong but he said I was an Angel dropped down from Heaven I couldn't stand the pressure so he's down at Number 7 (Too much Andy - a girl just can't live up to that reputation)
My Latin lover was crazy Manuel turned out to be an affair from Hell He clung to me like a real bad smell obsessive and needy - a kiss and tell I soon got tired of all his tricks so I can't put him higher than Number 6
Then I had a fling with little Willy Cute and cuddly, rather silly He squeezed me tight and stroked my hair but he had to make love while standing on a chair So affectionate, so alive, but too small to get past my Number 5 (Sorry about that Willy, you tried)
Then I invited Clyde to be my next 'bit on the side' I was his Bonnie for a while - I'll always keep his name on file But sadly he became a bore so I had to rank poor Clyde at Number 4
After some time I thought that I would try to find an older guy, someone who knew his way around and Clarence was the one I found Then one day he died on me but he'll always be my Number 3 (Dear Clarence, he tried a little too hard - it was the death of him)
In second place there is no doubt Simon knew his way about What Simon said, I had to do and that's why he's my Number 2 Number 1's still going strong he's right for me, his name is John He's so discrete - and that is rare he never bragged about our affair He don't ask questions about my past I think this love is meant to last
A just for fun, spoken word, 'tongue in cheek' ramble about past relationships from Number 8 down to Number 1
I added a light musical backing in various genres.